Have you seen the adverts for some medicine that fixes a minor ailment and then the side effects include such things as Anal Seepage?
Well one of the side effects to my drinking was anal seepage.
It had started after a weekend away in (Spanish resort I can’t remember the name of) with my mate Lee. We’d had a good few nights on the plonk, which inevitably led to a day/night of dry wrenching and pooping, or trying to poop.
I don’t blame this trip for the haemorrhoids that followed but it was the place I remember it beginning. It was a good trip though.
Now skip forward five years and an extra stone or two in weight, forty fast approaching and the colour of your loose crap is red again, you know it’s not good.
I’d started to have problems processing crappy food too. I remember one morning after fish and chips the night before it was like trying to crap out a bowling ball. I’m sure I moved the walls of the toilet I was pushing that hard. I have a small understanding of childbirth now.
I’ve started with a lovely subject here haven’t I?
So what I’m saying is that overweight and eating crap was giving me haemorrhoids and anyone knows that’s no fun. Whenever you see blood in the bog you should be worried. I knew what it was and I knew it only happened when I was heavier than usual, as in when I’d been on a serious binge of booze and crap. I hate to blame the crisp boobs but five bags of crisps on the way home from the pub is not a good idea.
Now also couple the fact that all I was drinking was coffee, beer and shots of whatever I could get, I hadn’t had a solid dump for a few years I thought it may be time to give my bowels a break. Apart from the bowling ball poo above, that was the largest crap I’ve ever had.
You Web MDs out there may question the lack of a solid crap and haemorrhoids but it’s the straining that causes them in my understanding. Sitting on the loo and waiting for something to happen too long is not recommended. Although you do find it a good time to complete levels of Candy Crush.
Haemorrhoids don’t half give you an itchy bum too. If you see someone dancing on their seat then they’ve probably got that problem too. Easy fix to this is to scratch your arse and say “someone must be talking about me”. Then they say you have to get in the bath and push them back up… I don’t do baths.
Now this is where I was going to talk about anal seepage but by now I think your getting the flow of this post.
I’m happy to report a year and change later the dumps are solid and there’s been no sign of red and therefore nobody has been talking about me.
On a serious note. I was overweight and putting some serious crap in my body. The drinking was bad enough but when you couple that with the fast food on the way home there’s no wonder my stomach was having issues. Acid is probably the main culprit and certainly anti acids are the most used pill for my over forties friends.
I’ll try to pick a less disgusting subject for the next post. This was not the only reason I quit by the time I’ve finished I expect there will be twenty posts like this.
Thanks for reading. I hope in some way this helps you or a friend if you are having issues with the booze or other substances.
Ask any questions or leave a comment below I’ll happily answer anything I can help with.